


Drinks

by PatterCake



Series: Fluffember 2020 [5]
Category: Adventure Time
Genre: Drunken Kissing, Drunkenness, F/M, Fluff, Intoxication, this fic goes especially well to party rock anthem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:40:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27585554
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PatterCake/pseuds/PatterCake
Summary: LSP never thought she’d have to say the words “Go home Lemongrab, you’re drunk.”
Relationships: Earl of Lemongrab/Lumpy Space Princess
Series: Fluffember 2020 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2008450
Kudos: 5
Collections: lumpygrab fics by me





	Drinks

LSP’s play wasn’t going to write itself but she wished it would. She’d been sat at her rotting log table in her camp staring at a blank page for what felt like forever when she felt her phone ring. She reached into the pockets on the side of her body, happy for a distraction, and was surprised to see Frozen Yogurt Princess trying to face time her. 

Frozen Yogurt Princess was holding a social gathering AKA a party for Ooo’s royalty that LSP had dramatically turned down an invite to hoping people would beg her to come, but instead people had the nerve to respect her decision. 

Until now. LSP grinned evilly. Clearly her stupid thing ended out, like, totally boring and only she, life of the party, could come save it. 

“LSP-” Frozen Yogurt’s muffled voice came through the phone alongside generic disco music. 

“Hey giirl~” LSP sat expectantly waiting for her to start grovelling but Frozen Yogurt didn’t look like she was calling to stroke her ego. She looked kinda.. annoyed?

“Is the guy with the like-” Frozen Yogurt Princess made a ‘call me’ sign with her hand and held it up to her nose to mimic a long pinocchio esque snout, “-face like this yours?”

The only person she could be talking about was Lemongrab. “Uh, yeah.” LSP said. “Why?”

“Can you come collect him.” Frozen Yogurt said in a deadpan voice, “He’s hammered.” 

LSP had to sit in stunned silence for a few minutes and process this mental image. “Okay there’s gotta be some kind of like, mistake.” she said quickly, “Lemongrab doesn’t get hammered and stuff. He doesn’t go in for that partying junk. He’s like, a prim and proper government official. I don’t think he even knows what alcohol _ is.” _

“Well. Prim and proper government official is wasted.” Frozen Yogurt said in a deadpan voice. “Come get him as there’s like, no way this guy can drive himself home.” 

Frozen Yogurt violently tapped her phone to hang up but not before whatever garbage she was playing at her lame party changed to party rock anthem and LSP heard a shrill voice she’d recognise anywhere sing/yell “PARTY ROCKERS IN THE HOOOUUUSE TONNIIIIIII-” only to be cut off. 

_ “Oh my glob.” _ LSP thought as the full severity of this sank in,  _ “Oh my GLOB! This is freaking serious-” _ She jumped up and flew in the direction of Frozen Yogurt castle-  _ “Lemongrab needs me to save him… from himself!”  _

LSP pulled up to Frozen Yogurt Princess’ castle, which was shaped like a giant upturned yogurt pot and faintly vibrating with pulsating music. She sucked in a breath and headed in, scanning the dancing royalty for Lemongrab. She watched Cinnamon Bun do the worm with Flame Princess and had to admit that this really didn’t seem like Lemongrab’s type of thing, and he’d probably massively misunderstood what he’d turned up to. 

She bumped into someone and whipped around to start yelling at them but stopped. Lemongrab was flushed green and his light grey shirt had clearly been unbuttoned and buttoned back up wrong multiple times. His tie was missing and she sincerely hoped he hadn’t tried to tie it around his head at some point. Oh, also him and his shirt both stank of alcohol. One due to excessive stains and one because of excessive drinking LSP had never imagined Lemongrab would ever even  _ think _ of doing, but the red plastic cup in his hand clearly said otherwise. She’d never seen him like this before and for a moment she could only stare at him in shock. 

“What the  _ stuff?” _ she eventually gasped. 

_ “Ah! Good madam! Delighted I am to see thee, for I am in a situation of utmost strangeness and do most require your gracious assistance.” _ was what Lemongrab wanted to say but all that came out was “Prinsesh… argh… brain. Yesh.”

“Lemongrab… are you…” the answer was obvious but LSP was still in disbelief over what she saw,  _ “drunk? _ Like are you actually hammered?” 

_ “My love, you are mistaken. I am a pinnacle of sobriety. Never has my mind been sharper and my speech more eloquent. I am not drunk.” _ was what Lemograb wanted to say but when he tried to repeat that last part it came out a slurred mess and it was obvious LSP didn’t believe him. 

“I am not…” he tried to repeat himself, frowning and sweating from the concentration it took, “not… drunked…”

“Mhm. Sure.” LSP said matter of factly. “No way do I believe you.”

“I shall… prove…” LSP grabbed the lemon before he could climb onto the nearby table for whatever reason, probably to keep embarrassing himself. She gently patted his back as he tried to, again, convince her that he was sober. 

“You’re drunk Lemongrab,” she said gently, “go home.” 

As soon as she said that he stumbled and slumped onto her, making her crash into someone. LSP mumbled an apology and wordlessly picked up her boyfriend to sling him over her shoulder like a sack of squirming, giggling potatoes. 

Frozen Yogurt came to the door to make sure Lemongrab left and LSP tried to awkwardly apologise for any trouble he might have caused. Frozen Yogurt just grimaced and went back inside. Leaving LSP to try and get Lemongrab on his camel alone. 

As it turned out, trying to get a drunk person to ride a horse was as hard as you can imagine. Lemongrab squirmed all over the place while laughing, nearly fell off, actually fell off, and almost crashed the camel into a road sign. The sign itself read “STOP” which is exactly what LSP wished Lemongrab would do. 

Eventually LSP had enough and flung him over the camel, sat on him and rode the steed herself while sincerely hoping there was no one nearby with a phone to record how stupid they must look. 

When the Earldom came into view she almost cried tears of joy. It was nearly over. The camel trotted into its outside stable, clearly happy to be free of its intoxicated cargo, and LSP was once again left to deal with Lemongrab by herself. The Earldom gates were fortunately unlocked but Lemongrab’s front door was a different matter. 

“Ugh,” she groaned, “soo annoying… give me your keys dude.” Lemongrab couldn’t understand. She held her hand expectantly and he looked at it in confusion for a minute, and then started sloppily smooching it. LSP yanked it away and whacked his arm crossly, “No! Drunk lemons get no kisses! Now get your keys.” 

He was clearly hopeless, she would have to do everything herself around here. LSP rummaged in his right pocket for his keys. Then his left. Then she checked his jacket pockets. 

“Lemongrab,” LSP said very seriously.  _ “Where are your keys?”  _

Lemongrab blinked sleepily and slumped forward to drunkenly cling onto her. “Lemongrab!” she shook him upright again. _“Your keys!_ **_Where are they?!”_**

Lemongrab opened his mouth but all that came out was a burp that scared him so much he started crying. “Oh my glob. I can’t lumping believe this.” LSP muttered. 

LSP spotted an open window. She floated through it and went to open the front door from the inside. When she opened it Lemongrab had already wandered off and she had to drag him into the house. 

She had to keep her hand clamped over his mouth to stop his drunken ramblings waking up the lemon people but once she tossed him onto his bed he was out like a light, peacefully drooling. She had to take his shoes and jacket off for him and put them away while muttering. 

“Stupid lemon… doesn’t even know the lyrics to party rock anthem…” she tossed his soiled jacket into the laundry and decided she should probably take his nasty sweaty shirt off. She sighed dramatically. All this for one guy and he couldn't even sing party rock anthem right. 

Lemongrab’s shirt stuck to him a bit because of sweat but she was able to gently peel it off without too much trouble, being careful not to wake him. She finally got his arms out of the sleeves and laid him back down when he opened his unfocused eyes and looked directly at her. 

LSP didn’t say anything and neither did he. She hadn’t closed the curtains yet so Lemongrab was fully lit by the moonlight and she could see each scar left on his shirtless body. They cut across his body as a permanent reminder of his pain and trauma, like cracks in a porcelain doll. He normally tried his best to hide them, she knew he lathered himself in a sort of paint slurry to cover them. Maybe he didn’t want to scare her? Or he was insecure? Or maybe he just didn’t want to look at himself and be confronted with how the worst thing that ever happened to him was physically built into his body forever. She’d never seen them so clearly before. She realised she could count each individual pin prick left behind when the stitches were removed. Lemongrab stared up at her too and she wondered what he was thinking, if he was silently admiring her in the same way she was him. 

He reached up and touched her face just once before letting his hand slump to the bed sheets again. He’d probably meant to stroke her gently but he’d miscalculated and ended up just poking her roughly. But the thought was still there. “LSP…” he said softly. 

Before she could answer he snuggled into the sheets and went back to sleep. She pulled the blanket out from under him to tuck him in properly and he moved in his sleep again. She straighted the pillow he’d messed up by lolling his head around and then her hand slowly drifted from the pillow to his face. She touched it like he’d tried to touch hers. He looked so peaceful that LSP found it hard to imagine the person trying to climb on a table having lost his keys and spilt his drink all over himself was the same person fast asleep in front of her. She decided that even though he’d caused a lot of trouble and been an absolute pain in the lump to deal with, it had been worth it to see him like this. She planted a kiss on his forehead and lay down next to him to go to sleep too. 

**Author's Note:**

> Was gonna write LSP taking care of hungover Lemongrab and them reacreating the "party rockers in the house tonight!" "it's party rock is" meme in it's entirety as the end of this but I cannot be arsed fam. 
> 
> Anyway sorry this is several days late there were things and also I needed a bit of a break from writing. The next prompt is... ooo Sunset...


End file.
